


Beautiful Pain

by jessi_08



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 13:11:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3611286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessi_08/pseuds/jessi_08
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raven has to learn how to deal with her emotions of past events. Her struggles come to surface years after the fact and Abby tries to help the young woman out. Abby however is not much help since she is the root cause of the emotions, that is when Lexa, Clarke and Octavia step in and try to talk it out. Mentions of death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beautiful Pain

Raven moved as quickly as she could toward the medical bay, chaos surrounded her. She was glad Octavia was by her side and tearing down anyone that stood in their way. Right before she was able to push into the tent Lexa stepped out and pushed her back.

“Raven no.” She said firmly keeping her hands on the woman’s shoulders.

“Move Lexa.” Raven said trying to swipe the strong arms off her shoulders.

“Raven…” Lexa plead, Raven looked up at the commander and noticed her eyes were filled with tears.

“Let her go Lexa.” Octavia said as she walked up to stand by Raven’s side. The commander looked over at the warrior and sighed, she stepped back into the tent allowing the women to follow her. Raven’s knees crippled under her as soon as she stepped in, Octavia caught her. Clarke was leaning over her mother’s body attempting CPR, Raven watched as the girl had tears streaming down her face.

“Wake up mom.” Clarke ordered pushing her hands against the woman’s chest. “Don’t you fucking leave me too!” She screamed. Raven struggled to her feet and walked over to Clarke, she put her hand on the woman’s shoulder.

“Clarke…” She said softly.

“No Raven! She isn’t gone.” Clarke screamed not stopping her motions.

“Clarke stop.” Raven said and pulled at Clarke’s shoulder till the woman sat back on her legs.

“She can’t be gone… we need her.” Clarke said and Raven wrapped her arms around her friend, shielding her face from the others as she started to cry. Lexa walked over to them and Clarke pulled away from Raven falling into the commander’s arms. Raven stood up looking down once more at Abby’s broken body, she walked up to Octavia.

“Give me a weapon.” She demanded, Octavia pulled a sword out and handed it to the woman.

“You sure about this Raven?” Octavia asked and Raven just stepped out into the middle of the chaos again. Raven was glad it was easy to tell the difference between the invading mountain men and the grounders mixed with sky people. She calmly walked right up to a grounder warrior fighting off a mountain man and plunged the sword right into the back of his neck. The grounder stared at her and she realized it was Nyko the healer, she had spoken to him a few occasions while visiting Abby.

“Raven.” He said.

“They killed Abby.” Raven snarled, Nyko didn’t bother replying he knew the anguish she was feeling. He stayed by her side as they fought off as many foes as they could. Raven spotted Lexa and Octavia flanking Clarke as the blonde went on her own rampage. The smudged tracks of Lexa and Octavia’s war paint didn’t go unnoticed by the woman.

“Raven behind you.” Lexa shouted across the camp and Raven turned sharply, digging the sword into the chest of her attacker.

“Fuck you.” She snarled in the man’s face, watching the life fade from his eyes.

x-x-x

Raven allowed her legs to give out from under her when the grounders started howling their victory. She dropped the sword from her hand and buried her face in her hands sobbing uncontrollably. She felt a hand on her shoulder a few moments later.

“Get up.” Octavia said but Raven shook her hand off her. “Raven get the fuck up.” She ordered grabbing the girl by the jacket and pulling her up. Raven stumbled over her feet letting a whimper escape her mouth, nearly falling over again from the pain in her leg. Octavia quickly swung Raven’s arm over her shoulders and allowed the girl to lean on her as they walked. She led Raven toward the medical bay.

“No!” Raven yelled trying to dig her heels into the ground.

“Raven you have to, someone has to look at your leg.”

“I’ll take her.” Nyko said walking up to them, he took Raven away from the rest of the people running around. He sat her down facing away from the bodies covered by sheets. He started examining her leg wincing at the gash across her calf.

“I don’t feel it.” She said seeing his face. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Abby spoke of you often.” He said and Raven shook her head.

“Don’t talk about her.” The man nodded and dragged a wet cloth over her face, cleaning the blood away and revealing the cut underneath.

“This will hurt.”

“No it won’t.” She replied as he started stitching her up.

“Raven…” Clarke said walking up to her, Lexa was practically holding her up.

“Clarke?” She asked and moved over so the woman could sit next to her, Lexa gently set her down.

“I am so sorry.”

“Clarke, it was not your fault. We had no idea that they were going to attack.”

“Heda, Clarke needs her bones to be set.” Nyko interrupted them, Lexa looked down at Clarke who nodded. Raven grabbed the blonde’s hand as Lexa held her up around her waist, Nyko grabbed Clarke’s foot and jerked it back into place as Clarke screamed and squeezed Raven’s hand.

x-x-x

Raven shot straight up in bed gasping for breath, tears streaming down her face. She swung her legs over the side and stumbled across the floor to the trash can there allowing her stomach to empty itself. Moments later a hand was running up and down her back, a soft cooing noise filling her ears.

“Raven it’s ok.” The voice said and Raven opened her eyes and started crying harder, Abby was sitting behind her.

“You were dead.” She cried out and Abby nodded, stilling trying to comfort the younger woman.

“Honey it’s ok, I promise. We are fine. The mountain men are gone.” She said and wrapped her arms around the woman pulling her closer. “I didn’t die.” She whispered kissing the top of Raven’s head.

“It was so real.” Raven said clutching at Abby’s shirt trying to control her breathing.

“I know love.” Abby said. “Just listen to my heart and my voice. It’ll be ok.” They stayed on the floor till Raven was able to control her breathing and her racing thoughts. She turned and faced Abby, running her thumb over her cheek, to her ear then down her jaw and over her lips. Her eyes followed her own actions till she finally ran her thumb over Abby’s chin when she finally looked into the woman’s eyes.

“I love you.” She said softly before leaning in and kissing her softly. “I love you Abigail Griffin and I cannot bear the thought of losing you.” Raven admitted pressing her forehead to Abby’s.

“Good thing you don’t ever have to think about that, because I’m not going anywhere.” Abby smiled kissing her once more. “Come on let’s go start breakfast.” Abby said and pulled Raven to her feet. They walked together outside and Raven sat down next to Clarke who looked at her.

“Again?” The blonde asked and Raven nodded. “There is no shame in taking the remedy that Lexa offers you.” She said and Raven shook her head.

“I don’t want to have to be knocked out.”

“Raven, we are at peace. What happened is over.”

“Clarke… I have to live with what I did, so if that means I have nightmares a few nights a month so be it.” She said.

“Raven… you protected us; you were a warrior just like the rest of us. Just because you used the anger from thinking my mother was dead doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“I should have helped her.” Raven said staring at the ground.

“There was nothing you could have done that wasn’t already in motion.” Clarke said as Lexa walked up to them.

“Raven, stop beating yourself up over it. Abigail is alive, you are alive. We all are alive.” Lexa said. “There is no reason to be upset.” Raven looked up and saw Abby walking back toward them, she traced the scars on the woman’s face in her mind.

“You all look like you are talking about some pretty serious stuff.” She said sitting down on the other side of Raven, squeezing her thigh.

“Raven here is still beating herself up over what happened all those years ago.” Clarke explained and Raven shot her a look.

“Raven…” Abby sighed, resting her head on the woman’s shoulder.

“You were the turning point.” Lexa said and Raven looked over at the commander. “My troops were failing, our lines breaking about to be over taken. Lincoln told me you came out of the tent and were a force to be reckoned with. Nyko said you saved his life that day. You gave my warriors hope, you gave them the extra push they needed to keep going. They figured if you could be fighting as well as you were with your condition that they could press on.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Raven asked and the commander shrugged.

“I don’t like reliving that day. I figured you wouldn’t either.”

“We all agreed once Nyko brought mom back that we would never speak of that day again.” Clarke added looking at Raven. “You lost it Raven… You were screaming and soaked in blood in minutes and nothing could stand in your way.”

“Because of your efforts you pushed them back enough for Nyko to go save Abigail.” Lexa said, Raven looked back at Abby and smiled, she dragged the back of her fingers over the scar across her forehead. Abby grabbed her hand and kissed it.

“Love, you saved so many of us that day. Even if you didn’t directly save me, your actions led to me being saved.” Abby said and Raven gave a weak smile.

“I love when someone else cooks!” Octavia said sitting down, Lincoln was right behind her a huge smile on his face.

“Heda may we join?” He asked and Lexa nodded, he sat next to Octavia.

“At least one of them has manners.” Lexa joked as she bumped her nose against the side of Clarke’s head who smiled at her.

“Yeah well if their commander hadn’t had gone so soft…” Clarke pointed out causing Raven to choke on what she was eating.

“I would have to say Lexa is anything but soft Clarke.” Raven sputtered out.

“I don’t know Raven, she does follow after Clarke like a puppy sometimes.”

“Yeah what about the time Clarke told her she couldn’t go swimming till after dinner?” Octavia said and Lincoln shook his head at her.

“Sorry Heda, I will be the first to admit I have no control over this one.” He said and Lexa laughed.

“Lincoln, we will never have control over our women.” Lexa smiled back at the man who nodded.

“We’re surrounded by strong willed women.” He looked around the circle of women.

“Hey now, being strong willed saved Abby here.” Raven pointed out and Lincoln nodded.

“I thought that was your strong will not to let her go?” Octavia grinned, Lincoln finally pushed her shoulder causing her to glare at him.

“I just wasn’t ready to go yet.” Abby said kissing Raven’s forehead. “I won’t be ready to go for a long time yet.”

“That is a really good thing. I doubt any of us could take Raven here out if it came down to it.” Octavia said and Raven smirked at her.

“What the cripple could best the great grounder warrior Octavia?”

“Hell yes, I am not standing in your way when push comes to shove.”

“Yeah Raven… I’m pretty sure you would have tried to beat life back into mom.” Clarke said.

“Well if it had worked.” Raven said and Abby rolled her eyes at the woman.

“Thank god for Nyko the miracle worker.” She said as Raven leaned in and kissed her. “I should get moving, can’t leave people waiting on their doctor.” She said standing up.

“Right, Lexa and I have to take the little warriors out for their exploration starting today.” Clarke said.

“Can we come scare them again?” Octavia asked and Lincoln rolled his eyes.

“I promise to keep a better eye on her this time.” He informed Lexa.

“Have a good trip.” Raven said as she followed Abby back to their tent.

“Why didn’t you tell me you felt so guilty about that day?” Abby said as soon as Raven stepped in, the woman shrugged as she sat down on the bed, pulling Abby down next to her. She once again traced the scar across the woman’s forehead.

“I hate knowing I wasn’t enough to protect you.” Raven admitted and Abby sighed pressing further into Raven’s hand.

“I don’t need protecting Raven.”

“I thought you were dead, you were dead.” Raven said softly, tears falling down her cheeks once more.

“Raven, it wasn’t your fault. None of it was your fault.”

“I know… just seeing you there on the ground. I could have done something.”

“Honey there was nothing you could have done. The only thing that would have happened if you were there was you might be dead.” Abby pointed out and Raven sighed.

“Do you have to go to work?”

“It’s Friday, Nyko is in on Fridays.” She smiled and Raven gave a weak smile in return. She laid down and pulled the older woman with her, they laid in the bed facing one another. Abby gently ran the tips of her fingers over the woman’s darker skin; she waited till Raven’s breathing evened out before allowing her own eyes to slide shut. “I love you Raven Reyes. Even if you are a stubborn ass at times.”

**Author's Note:**

> So I have not actually watched The 100 yet, so if I like totally screwed this up let me know. I do plan on catching it this summer. The idea hit me while driving home while listening to the song Foreigner's God by Hozier. And this just happened. So let me know what you think. I really like the Abby/Raven ship so who knows maybe I'll write more one day. Title is from Eminem's song.


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